Monday, September 3, 2007

I wonder..

Haven't posted in so long, feel like doing so just to break the spell.

5th sem is abuzz with activity – meetings, lectures, quizzes, new clubs, old clubs with new goings-on,.. it hurts the eye to look at the notice board sometimes.

For me, 5th sem seems to be a time for retrospections, deep thinking, and lots and lots of self-doubt and question marks. Deep eh? U bet.

Pensive is nearly a stand-by mode these days, I think more than I talk, and honestly, that’s new for me, whatever impression I give to the world at large. Whereas earlier I had to fight to keep my eyes open in so many classes, now I perpetually drift off into deep thought during classes, and hence stay wide awake(I’m not sure how much better this is – now I live in constant fear of thinking aloud and blurting out something ridiculous in the middle of a lecture. Also, I fear the expressions on my face are often suspiciously out-of-context for the subject being taught. Hand on forehead, deep breaths for simplex method? No way, not even shalu would buy that).

I wonder if I’m on the right track, career-wise, I wonder if I’m too rude, I wonder if going home just before test1 will be too big a mistake, I wish I’d thought a little more before opting for french and then shifting to german (after a helluva badgering the elusive mr.pradhan), I worry about irregular meals and too much sleep, I wonder how ur still reading this, I wonder if im a spoilt brat, I keep wondering why i couldnt just go yell at the unnamed loser i saw throwing a paper cup on the footpath, I wonder if I really do have a peter accent, I so often long to be able to turn back time, and I constantly remind myself we must never regret our choices, I wonder what my maktub( is that right? Destiny? From Coelho’s Alchemist) is – sounds way profound,huh? I wonder if I should simply go to sleep now, its so bright outside, I wonder how much i should put in here for everyone to see … I wonder, wish, ponder, worry, reflect, muse and marvel at myself and everything around me.. and this is only ever the tip of the iceberg. Although in a different context, Ron’s words are perfect here – ‘One person cant possibly feel all that, they’d explode!’

Weird post, I know.