Monday, December 31, 2007

oh happy new year!

In less than half an hour now, it will be curtains for the James Bond year(as oink observes). But save the sporadic sounds of crackers, a few whistles at the bus-stop earlier this evening, wishes from all callers now, new calendars from parents' offices waiting to be hung, it's the same as any other day to me. New Year has never really held a festive something for me, like, say Diwali. A few resolutions now and then, and even those not very well-thought-out. For as long as I can remember, the one thing about New Year that would make me curiously happy, was getting used to the new 4-digits in the date, everyday at school. In the first week of Jan, I would beam every time I opened a notebook and wrote the date. The memory of that childish wonder makes me smile (and the grown-up-ness of that last sentence makes me raise an eyebrow in amusement).

The cracker bursting seems to have completely stopped. Funny, you'd think it would get all the more frenzied now.

Resolutions for this year are vague at best. Don't much feel like sitting and fine-tuning them now. There's time till I get to campus, anyway.

I like to think each year gets better than the previous. So I'll drink to that trend, and hope it continues. Cheers!

So long, 2k7! Wotcher, 2k8!

Friday, December 28, 2007


Swearing. Second nature for some, highly distasteful for others, but for the broad majority of us, no big deal. None of us being chaste angels, I’m sure we all toss out a few choice words every now and then, depending on the situation.

Frankly, I’m no great fan of the 4-letter vocabulary. Wait, I didn’t say I abhor them like some puritan, or cringe every time I hear them being thrown about flippantly. Far from it. I myself have used a number of ‘ineffable expletives’ (as my English teacher would say), some very much a part of my everyday jargon. The argument against swearing, I know, is that it betrays sound culture, and nice manners. But what is the point of sounding as hoity-toity as that if it doesn’t express how you feel? I’m no drunken sailor when it comes to swearing, but if you are, I wouldn’t hold it against you.
That said, I must admit it’s a tad annoying when an entire conversation revolves around a few words; when every second word you hear is the same swear-word. Far from being offensive, one just comes across as being inarticulate.

As for swearing in writing, it strongly smacks of poor vocabulary more than anything else. Agreed, sometimes, it’s more fitting to use a single ‘unparliamentary’ word than a whole para of ranting. And it’s perfectly justified to vent occasionally by peppering your writing with some colorful words. But mostly, a passage full of the same few words inserted every-which way makes for pretty dull reading. Unimaginative at best, and offensive at worst. Guess it all boils down to context, and being able to express yourself.

And what is it with ‘swear words’ anyway?? They’re just as normal as any other words; they’re only as popular as they are cos of the taboo. Forbidden-fruit-tastes-sweetest all over again. Half the reason why cussing feels as good as it does when you’re in a rage is cos u know its taboo. Most people don’t even think about their meanings when they use them(forget the priceless gems who curse at the drop of a hat without knowing what they just said). In fact, if we were to simply make up some words, and taught them to kids and told them never to use them, why, we’d have a whole new swear dictionary! As far as I’m concerned, they are simply expressions of dissent, and nothing more. Their meanings only serve to give them the blessed tag of curse words. It is precisely for this reason that I can’t stand how some people find ‘thu’ particularly objectionable. I don’t see how it’s any worse than any other swear-word.

Perhaps the reason we no longer find so many of these swear words offensive is their overusage – they’ve become so commonplace that we treat them the same as any other word. Like they say, fuck aint a word, it’s a punctuation. And how normal it is to hear people(ok, I guess here, and everywhere else in this post, people = young people, say high school – college crowd, mostly) greet one another with these so-called curses. We simply respond without batting an eyelid, it’s that normal. So what does that say of us? Just that we think no more of the words than any other greeting, as simple as that.

Personally, I think ‘why the devil’ sounds a lot more creative than the so much more common ‘ytf’, but knowing that both intend to convey the same meaning, why object to either? And doesn’t ‘ a barmy old codger’ or ‘a worthless pile of bat droppings’ sound infinitely more innovative than, oh let’s say, ‘fucking sonavabitch’ ? (jkr \m/) And Captain Haddock, the drunkest sailor I know of, did have a large abuse-vocab, even if he was partial to a few choice expressions.

Ah well, to each their own, I guess. All said and done, filth-mouthed sailors will remain as they are, and really, why the f*** not?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Face off

What would the world be like if everyone said exactly what was on their minds all the time, if the internal censors disappeared? If we stopped filtering out the uncharitabe thoughts and blurted it all out without a care? If we throw caution to the winds and went around calling people the names we’ve always longed to instead of pretending they don’t get on our nerves when they so do? I’m reminded of a poem we had in 12th, Once upon a time by a Gabriel Okara, about people wearing masks all the time, saying things they don’t mean and pretending to be nice simply because society expects it of them. But yes, what if it werent so? Sounds good? I dunno. Agreed, it would be a huge relief not to have to plaster phony smiles on our faces, and act pleased to meet people we wish lived light years away. And how liberating it would be to give some prize jerks the much-talked-about piece of our minds, and be done with it.
But that’s precisely the point – would we be done with it? The world would then be a much more open and honest place, certainly, but more unpleasant too, surely? Because it’s just not possible to do away with less-than-perfect interactions and exchanges. Like it or not, we will continue to have to live with playground bullies, know-it-all classmates, annoying team-mates, nosy relatives, grouchy colleagues, unsympathetic bosses. That being the case, which is better – open hostility or fake pleasantry?

I’m not trying to sell an opinion here – heck, I don’t even really have one. All I know is, I’m quite a many-faced person myself (yech, that sounds truly horrible, like I’m some mythical monster and a big hypocrite as well). Honestly, it’s not a trait of mine I’m too crazy about. People have such diverse, even contrasting opinions about me, that sometimes make me wonder just what I really am like.

Maybe we’re just programmed to come up with reassuring answers to disconcerting questions about ourselves, or maybe it’s just me, but I’ve temporarily managed to keep the nagging doubts at bay. Same system, different input --> different output, right? So same situation, new person would still classify as a new situation, wouldn’t it? Little wonder, then, that I react differently to different people, that they carry different impressions about me.

As for the real me, that’s still a tough one. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to answer that. Maybe Staind had it right, and inside we’re all just the same, ugly.

I realise I’ve digressed quite a bit, and that no real conclusions have been drawn, but who cares. This is not Section B.

It’s okay, after all. I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re all okay. (repeat)

Monday, December 17, 2007


They say you always go crazy in your first comp sem,when you first open your eyes to the joys(?) of dc.There is always something to keep you distracted – movies, countless sitcoms, gaming, and for some, mainchat, whether merely watching or participating. For some reason I happen to have major starting trouble with movies and tv shows, and can never get myself to download them and then sit and watch(although once I start its difficult to stop, prison break taught me that much). Nah, for me dc obsession has never really been any of this.

What began as a mild fascination with trivia(Latin, useless knowledge) rapidly progressed into an all-out addiction– question after trivial question about anything and everything under the sun. From hellishly long acronyms and anagrams to baseball team names, from capitals to goddamned lyrics of unheard (of) songs to movies, and ridiculous phobias and some truly nice word connects, there’s sure to be something for everyone- provided they can type like the devil. More than half the questions will be skipped before you can say ‘pass’, and all the answers will be followed by 0.0, ‘ckf’, ‘arggghhhh’, some colourful language nobody even stops to think about, and more commonly, the nfdlvnfvb fed.bvglbhrglb rgtb kjcsvbfsbv flbv of the less articulate. Throw in a bunch of veteran spammers, and you have a scene of total, un//ed chaos ;)

The endless hours spent answering a bot spewing question after trivial question at you do not come without a price, ob. The immediate casualty was, duh, acads – somehow trivia-ing was never as enticing as it was during tests. Be it T1, T2 or the not-so-grand finale, Compres, you could always count on the regulars to keep ws mainchat alive and moving(down). Not that they don’t occasionally try to knock it off – such topics as ‘padh lo saalon, kal paper mein trivia nahi aayega’ can be seen right in between the ‘all play trivia and bring down avg’ variety.
Also, you suddenly end up having a lot more virtual conversations than real ones, looking at a buncha yellow smileys rather than some real faces with less-than-perfect grins(who grins like :B anyway??), and lol more than you laugh out loud. Hmmm. Maybe it’s all a phase, and we just go with the flow.

On the bright side, you finally acquire some new knowledge in coll, and can even see your (nik)name on the Top10 list of something, and feel smarter than you ever have since you left school. And you make a coupla efriends in the bargain. Good enough, I say.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo, home sweet home at last!!!!!!!!!!!!(agreed, i cant really complain about missing it that much, having come home not once, but twice in the last 6 months :D )

Another sem has flown past, and quite a different one at that. Although thus far I've been inclined to put it down as the worst one yet, now, looking back, it seems quite alright. A sem filled with activity like never before in this campus – placements, guest lectures, dance, music & drama nights, Quark notices alll over the place and pre-Quark workshops(phase-I), quizzes, new clubs, farewell parties and yearbook signings, … There is a new dimension to any talk to do with the future - now that it looms larger and more real than ever before. The forgotten scenario of entrance exams, what-next, fork-in-the-road situation is back, albeit vicariously, through our seniors, the first batch of outgoing BPGC students.

I, however, feel like I’ve either been writing tests or going home, and all other activities have been crammed in between. And how. Elections. Super-fun Deutsch classes that left us wanting more, not least because they were so irregular (blame it on tests, zephyr, diwali, dussehra, yadda yadda…). Winning the Zephyr trophy. \m/ . Trivia mania - (I began typing about it, but decided to dedicate a whole post later to this newfound addiction). A wonderfully on-the-spot Shaastra trip. Meetings and more Waves meetings – nothing compared to what it is to come, though. Thankfully, the time for discussions(read quarrels and standoffs) is past and there will be more action and less squabbling in the months to come. Deco labs and copied assignments. Legendary power cut in campus – bestest times ever; the lib lawns have never accommodated so many students, not to mention their frisbees, footballs, chess boards, and packs of uno and playing cards. Diwali in B’lore – Happy Days on the big screen and not feeling the need for translators. Dratted CDCs that seemed destined to result in Cs and Ds. Unfailingly being awed by every new Quark poster on the notice board. Sleeping after breakfast and getting up for snacks, if that. Project rush, and finally landing one, so now can look forward to an even tighter next sem. Compre bdays, such awesome stress(?)-busters, a blessed break in the midst of all the mindless cramming( unless of course its your bday – cleaning up the muck is hardly the kinda break one hopes for in those dark times). Packing. Leaving.

And finally, the world’s stopped spinning so madly. 3 weeks away from dc, bloody paper distribution(why does it stand out so much in my head???), stocking up on Tiger, waiting in line for food and cribbing about forgetting coupons, nightly-coffee-followed-by-walk, and all the rest of it.

Not for long, though.

ps - for those who couldnt decode the topic ----> Long time, no C!!! muhahahahahhahahaha

Friday, October 5, 2007



Monday, September 3, 2007

I wonder..

Haven't posted in so long, feel like doing so just to break the spell.

5th sem is abuzz with activity – meetings, lectures, quizzes, new clubs, old clubs with new goings-on,.. it hurts the eye to look at the notice board sometimes.

For me, 5th sem seems to be a time for retrospections, deep thinking, and lots and lots of self-doubt and question marks. Deep eh? U bet.

Pensive is nearly a stand-by mode these days, I think more than I talk, and honestly, that’s new for me, whatever impression I give to the world at large. Whereas earlier I had to fight to keep my eyes open in so many classes, now I perpetually drift off into deep thought during classes, and hence stay wide awake(I’m not sure how much better this is – now I live in constant fear of thinking aloud and blurting out something ridiculous in the middle of a lecture. Also, I fear the expressions on my face are often suspiciously out-of-context for the subject being taught. Hand on forehead, deep breaths for simplex method? No way, not even shalu would buy that).

I wonder if I’m on the right track, career-wise, I wonder if I’m too rude, I wonder if going home just before test1 will be too big a mistake, I wish I’d thought a little more before opting for french and then shifting to german (after a helluva badgering the elusive mr.pradhan), I worry about irregular meals and too much sleep, I wonder how ur still reading this, I wonder if im a spoilt brat, I keep wondering why i couldnt just go yell at the unnamed loser i saw throwing a paper cup on the footpath, I wonder if I really do have a peter accent, I so often long to be able to turn back time, and I constantly remind myself we must never regret our choices, I wonder what my maktub( is that right? Destiny? From Coelho’s Alchemist) is – sounds way profound,huh? I wonder if I should simply go to sleep now, its so bright outside, I wonder how much i should put in here for everyone to see … I wonder, wish, ponder, worry, reflect, muse and marvel at myself and everything around me.. and this is only ever the tip of the iceberg. Although in a different context, Ron’s words are perfect here – ‘One person cant possibly feel all that, they’d explode!’

Weird post, I know.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

back at birla

didnt really expect i'd be able to post while in coll, but looks like wonders never do cease after all :) somehow, im finding it a lot harder writing in campus than while at home,maybe cos i rarely sit alone to think and write. possibly that might change soon, now that i finally have a laptop. the sheer number of ppl around has meant im always (as jobless as ever, ob) in someone else's room or the usual sit-around(s) in the campus during the "walks" we religiously take (of course, in this season, theres a lot more sitting around in sheltered places than walking). the surroundings in the hostel are such a stark contrast to home, where im at my widest awake when everyone else is fast asleep. that, of course, never does happen here. no matter what the time, there are always rooms with lights on, there are always ppl online on gtalk(besides the ones with 'zzz' type status msgs, duh), and dc of course never sleeps(the joys of dc, im yet to actually discover, i confess. still havent installed it, DONT ask me why).
its only been 2 weeks since the beginning of the sem but as usual feels like soo much longer. how time flies!!

how i love this weather, the goa-special monsoon that has a mind of its own - the sudden downpours, so often right in between spurts of bright sunshine... little puddles... the grey clouds captured by soo many of those omnipresent cam-phones... deliberately getting drenched by walking in the pouring rain for half an hour (and escaping all possible side effects)... curling up under a warm blanket and drifting off peacefully with the rain lashing at your windows... full-hand kurtas... coffees overruling iced teas at nescafe... the campus looking so greeen (kinda wild here n there, in fact)... ive never been a nature freak but this time of the year, everything just looks soo beautiful, esp on my new, 2 mpi, 16.7- million-colours nokia 6300 :P
mondays ok, but why would rainy days bring u down??? am guessing that Carpenters woman never heard of the goa rains. the only downside is that clothes r always damp. also, ur quite prone to slip n fall, esp if ur late for class(ob, how can u get up on time in this weather??) and are hurrying across the, um, rugged b wing square (or watever) with its rather unusual design, the purpose of which stymies many.

and of course, there are all the other components of the wet spell semester to smile about as well- flying squad(im still not sure why its called that), new clubs, new mess contractor (finally) :D, soon-to-start french classes, elections round the corner(always a source of great entertainment for those away from the limelight), after that Zephyr and the inter-hostel storm it brings with it. and the usual resolutions i make ranging from buying fruits(and eating them) to reading the newspaper regularly to sleeping less for gods sake.. and maybe a lil more on the academic front as well - maaybe ill actually learn something this sem that ill remember next sem. yes, its the '3rd year!', 'CDCs!', 'placements' .. effect. ah well. dont wanna include all that here now.

but in the meantime, i shall sign out, hoping, as vaish wrote, good things are just round the corner. adios

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

physic-ally impossible?

knowledge is power supreme;

ignorance is bliss;

half knowledge bloody sucks.

this post is the result of the pent up frustration ive been feeling lately over how little i seem to know, how superficial my knowledge of most things is, how im feeling increasingly stupid day by day as i discover more and more things i should know but dont.
right, ur wondering wat caused this outburst from nowhere, this sudden self-realisation - well, exams. not even mine. my 10th std bro whose schooldays now fall in one of three categories- pre-exam: hurriedly finishing portions, revisions, re-revisions, etc; exam: no need to elaborate, we all know that dreary routine too well to have to recollect; post-exam: marking schemes, report cards, rank lists, i-will-do-better-next-time's. repeat till the showdown next march. anyway, having skipped through the english paper (salient features of prepn include large dosages of the latest from jkr), he informs me that im supposed to sit with him as he wades through the science textbook and lend a hand whenever he's stuck in the muck. ha. as if. im not entirely sure how, but somewhere down the line, my parents, poor dears, have got it into their heads that their daughter (me, that is) is this all round genius (read: maths, physics, chem, bio, eng) and a brilliant role model for the next unlucky board exam facer in the family(my bro, that is). having aced the 12th boards, teaching measly class 10 science for a mid term exam must be a cakewalk as far as they are concerned. how sadly mistaken they are.

ray optics. oh brother(literally, as it happens). the second i see those kinda phrases- gravitation, archimedes principle, newtons laws for cryin out loud, the words motor, generator, armature,.. u get the picture - all physics-related terms u may come across from grade 9, i see in my mind's eye a lot of blurred text, half-formed pictures of candles and mirrors, and rapidly changing images of a variety of ill-fated experiments in the physics lab and endless 'discussions' in 11a and 12a under the physics teacher who longed to hear the bell more than any of us. btw i did like the physics teacher, i jus didnt like her physics teaching.

"Light travels in straight lines. This is clearly illustrated by the fact that a small source of light casts a sharp shadow of an opaque object".
elementary, my dear watson. i wish.

my brother looks at me enquiringly and i realise he's waiting for me to elaborate, and its apparent he doesnt think its all that clear. guess that makes it two of us. cheers. ''well?'', he prompts, and i respond half-heartedly with the tried and tested vague beat-around-the-bush technique. shameful, i know. and of course it doesnt work. without getting into specifics, lets say i took a break from the physics tutorial (no objections from the tutee - it should be a word if it isnt already one) and went online, and asked the first person i saw on my list, to kindly explain this simple fact. which i then humbly relayed to my bro. and no, im not gonna insult ur intelligence by explaining that here now, i know u know it.

this is just one classic example of my abysmal knowledge(?) of a vast number of things im expected to be comfortably familiar with. it just doesnt come too often to light cos everyone thinks everyone knows.

here's another - a couple of weeks back, i met up with two of my school friends, one doing and the other architecture. i dunno how, but right in the midst of the mundane hows so-n-so..omg i havent met her in ages.. she is going out with him??? type of conversation, ms.CA-to-be goes ''hey i was just wondering - how do aeroplanes fly??" and like clockwork, both their heads revolve to look at the engineer(semi. whatever) who has suddenly turned tongue-tied and reticent. engines. propellers(eh?). wings. hmm??? admittedly, its hardly the same as knowing y there are shadows, but my point is, i can barely rustle up any relevant principles or theories or watevers or even throw abt some big words (aerodynamics.. pressure difference.. upthrust.. which are keywords from responses i got when i confronted fellow bitsians with the same query)
physics and me. psst. look at the title ** nudge nudge wink wink** yes, i know. the wittcism is overwhelming.
going deeper, electronics and me. dear lord. i dread to think of the next year.

and it doesnt stop with physics, no, in addition im also this technology-retard which today is not a very good thing to be. whereas ppl around me are talking about dsp's, embedded systems, trojans, graphics cards, whatistcalleds, i'm- wtf, i dint even know wat DSP stood for until april, when there was this sudden frenzy over lop's cop's.. jumping onto the bandwagon without missing a beat, i joined my friends and off we went, chamber to chamber, and one of them instructors was talking about dsp, and i kept enthu-ly nodding my head all the while thinking he was talking about ESP :(

im the joker who, when asked how much disk space matlab takes, will sincerely reply 4kb after checking the desktop shortcut; who, a year back, was flummoxed when confronted with questions like "what kinda config u lookin at for ur comp?"; who was stupidly blinking at the monitor when told that her entire ps1 folder was hidden as a joke; who thinks her fantabulous new laptop is currently a very well-disguised blessing... u get the picture.

i dunno what the point of this blog is or if it even makes sense. im feeling a lot more at peace with myself now than when i started typing, but dont have the heart to chuck the whole thing so there u go. plus i have this strong urge to post one final blog before leavin for coll, before i switch from braodband to lan. abrupt ending, but i just realize i havent packed boggle yet. my answer to keep the grey cells busy. so long. happy journey to all of u, ill be unpacking when u guys start packing.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

of boss, bossini and more trivial nothings...

dont wonder abt the title.. completely unrelated, the two of them.. the coincidence simply struck me and for lack of anythin better to call the post, im stickin to it.

neway, i finally managed to get my dharshan of the superstars latest feat, a few days back. and well, to me, it was the usual mix of stunts, punch lines, style statements that characterise his films. u cant help but notice the grandeur in the sets, soo hyped up, which to me seems a colossal waste of money. and time as well - one year to make him look like he was badly whitewashed??? sad.

all that money might as wel have gone into some real sivaji university. the story wasnt exactly refreshing, and as any review wil tel u, its all the extras in the movie, rather than the story, that have thrown the masses into such frenzy. Brand Rajnikant + shankar + arr. no wonder. kinda bemusing for the non-fan. amusing too. and minus the usual suspension of all logic and reason(by now poor newton mustve gotten sick of turning around in his tiny grave), the comeback in the second half was cool, sivaji style :P

oh boy, any fan will be turning murderous when they read this simple one-para dismissal of the gazillion-rupee project of the demigod's. or perhaps a scornful dismissal of one who has no sense of appreciation. either way, its certainly worth the experience, to watch the superstar on the big screen, amidst all the ruckus(read mad cheering and confetti throwing). "summa adhirudhu illa?!"

and now, less lofty subjects. bossini. :D so much more satisfying, personally! if u dont already know wat that is, im guessing u wont b impressed. distinctly let down, in fact. right, girly stuff, or so they say... SHOPPING!!! *** gleam*** its this cool shop in pondy bazar, with the coolest discount :) proper discounts on normal clothes, not some sad pieces they have in excess cos of some lousy fashion forecast. they ought to pay me a commission really, with the no. of ppl ive sent there - vid varsha soori bk.. a pity so few ppl seem 2 notice it.

nicest part about it is that the salespeople there arent the snooty ones who follow u around like u'll flick somethin from their precious shop. such a variety of them, salesppl. on the next level, we have the oversmart types who pretend to be extremely helpful but are actually just taggin along to minimise their work in terms of replacing clothes u might misplace. bah. in fact, with some of them, u'd think ur doing them a favour, giving them somethin to do, they look bored to tears, and their shop is dead quiet(as in, dead empty).

class three are the truly nice ones. the ones who wil let u do ur thing, pick a favourite, then wil smile sympathetically as u wrinkle ur nose at the price tag. they may be polite, helpful but thankfully distant. or, as my mom informs me, in the case of sari shops(where they have maximum work to do, satisfying the whims of every cranky shopper), they may be bubbly and chirpy, ready with a smile. not the stiff plastered smile characteristic of class four, the exact opposites of class three. u literally have to plead with them to show u that blue one, not the next. of course its available dammit, u can see it!!

to be fair, front end workers do have it tougher than the others, having to put up with all sorts of customers, from the irate snappers to the despairingly fickle to the plain pain-in-the-neck types who walk in with their nose in the air, turn the shop inside out and walk out hands free, nose even higher up.

oh the joys of shopping :D

ps - shops -> bookshops -> crossword, where they let you sit for ages and read what u want, and have these little stools all over for just that :) naturally, i took advantage of this comfort when i went there today, and settled with's What will happen in Harry Potter 7? its full of theories, rumours, snippets from interviews with jkr,.. all the elements that spice up the run-up to the grand finale, which, omg, is barely a few hours away!!!!!! and with that sudden jolt, i realise i must sign off, its late, n dear lord, have i actually been prattling about salespeople all this time??? im not bothering 2 go over this draft, ill fall asleep midway. rip van winkle has been feeling drowsy, so excuse the rambling and enjoy the book (or ebook, as the case may be). happy reading!!

Friday, July 13, 2007

ceeri-ously alright

the last post was soo glum and gloomy, with all the whining and complaining, that i feel compelled to write another, cos it just wont do to end the ps chapter on such a dismal note. plus, on this side of ps, everything does seem ok after all. and no, its not the comments that have driven me to re-write the ps recap, i was simply waiting for it to be formally and completely done with, when i knew i'd feel fully positively about the whole thing, when i knew i'd look back and laugh. am jus sorry i dint do enough of it already, so here goes-

first and foremost, the whole course sure was some experience. in fact, the disappointments and drudgery of it all make it that much more worthwhile. life aint easy, and its never too early to get used to it. so in that respect, i guess im happy to have got my first real taste of the proverbial big bad world out there.

right from the ''this is not your college'' comment by some csir guy, in our very first week, cos we were leaning on the parapet wall, up to the seminar question round that i took so much offense at, for some reason - its been one big roller-coaster ride, dramatic though that may sound.

yes, ive done more than my share of whining, and thanks to everyone whos been patient enough to put up with it all - bk, who was simply bewildered at how much of a pessimist i'd become overnight; hbk, who, for all his non-sympathy (''u got your first choice?? then u have NO right to complain'') is still much better a counsellor than i give him credit for; gdk, with his lolest suggestions like wearing a sari to impress the scientist, who would always make out his bitsunami to be even worse in comparison; and everybody else for everything!

be it the ox-like, not-much-thinking-involved work i was inclined to believe i was doing, or the strict adherance to organizational timings expected from us( not that we completely followed it - my lunch breaks extended from 1-3, but that, i think, was the only lapse) , or in general, n ra's uncompromising principles on following the rulebook, word to word - it all simply added up to a new way of life for a month and a half.

as for the travel that seems to be the ubiquitous reason of complaint, i never did hate it so. on the contrary, i enjoyed the ride around the city (which most ppl found specifically annoying), at least i got to know my singara chennai(yes, i know ur bah-ing now giz! arrghh!) so much better, thanks to it (ya, any1 who knows me fairly well wil now be wondering how bad i mustve been to begin with :D). and all this from a person who lost her wallet with atm cards on the very day she was reflecting on how she had succesfully nearly completed over a month of public transport and managed to keep her belongings safe!! oh, to think some1 mustve flicked it even as i was blissfully congratulating myself - a tragic comedy, if i say so myself.

and n ra really is a nice guy, quite a rare species - havent met someone that sincere in a loong time. honestly it makes him quite of of step with the rest of the world. he's already told us thrice to simply forget the whole bus-stop incident (''please erase it from your databases'').

and well, if it hadnt been for venky, i bet i wouldnt have learned one bit of what i have now(which, i confess, isnt much, but still). and he did have a flair for talking. big deal if he would only look at the others as he spoke, i was listening anyway, n it was good timepass all the same. and his expectation-time curve finally turned out to be a U. i hope. kinda unsymmetric, but still.

oh boy, im sure gonna miss ascendas :P

nice ps mates, all of them. we may not have had a ps-trip to ooty or watever ( i highly doubt my parents wouldve lemme go anyway) but hp-5 on the last day of ps is good enough :D (i quite liked the movie btw, ob cant hold a candle to the book, but nevertheless good attempt).

yoyoyoyoyo PS1 IS OVER!!!!!!!!!

couldnt resist that last one :P i did mean everything i said before!

alls well that ends well. fillosofical eh?!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

rant rave crib crab

long one ahead. ideally for insomniacs. dont say i didnt warn u.

with the seminar n report finally out of the way, ps is virtually over(n for all u lucky asses for whom it really is over, kindly refrain from rubbin it in!!). but ob, n ra felt duty bound to remind us yet again that v r expected 2 come tomo as well, and wats more, not leave b4 5 either, same as usual. (snort) understandably, his faith in our sincerity is a tad shaken, ever since the bus stop mishap.

as for the seminar itself, the less said the better. mine, at least. in fact, mine only. oh sod it, it was a bit of a disaster, what with my own scientist, who, far from comin to my rescue in helpin me answer other scientists qsns, shot a bouncer at me, knowing full well how remarkably abysmal my knowledge of the theory of my project is. (and im truly sorry for my apparent affinity for long sentences, i dont intend them to b that way). In all fairness, i should have been able to answer him, but damn it all, i didnt. i just stood there goggling like a stricken goldfish, mumbling some vague reply, and just exiting the scene abruptly once he answered his own question. no thanks, nothing. ungracious eh. whatever. its over. good to get it out of my system, anyway. and if ur bored of all the whining, u did read the title.

ya well, ive been feeling like this major pushover lately. maybe cos 'tis the season to be whiny, but thats how i look at all the days ive sat in front of venkys comp, accepting meekly, without the slightest sign of protest every additional bit of work he gives me, like theres nothing i'd like better; hours and hours matlabbing away, typing with a vengeance, wondering why i dint have the nerve to tell him ever NO, actually im NOT all that keen on extra work. Ya, im sure the wavelet theory with its near-magical properties is as beautiful as he claims, but, guess wat, im not quite in the mood to appreciate it any more. ya ok, i took ceeri(remind me why, somebody?) i know, i know - im here, might as well learn somethin along the way. but the theoretically flawed ps1-is-for-timepass logic seems too deep-rooted for me to just devour new knowledge like that, and enjoy all the learning.

equity theory rocks (ha, i did NOT jus mug up pom last sem).Fact of life if ever there was one. most ppl i know r home after lunch, whereas im usually debating between stay- till- 5.30- catch- the- 5.45 train or leave at 5 and take a crowded bus, plus traffic... ps diaries that read like animal safari(thats fol, lolest), or include mentions of bombay meals for 12 bucks, vs. writing page after page abt corn, starch,blah, model, blah, NIR, BLAH... visiting ps twice a week vs. "complusory attendance this sunday cos v must follow organizational working days". seriously, where is the justice in this world????? thats exactly why i get pissed with ceeri now n then (ya, i usually live with it pretty well. i think.). on absolute terms, ceeri prolly aint all that bad (v gave it 60% when venky asked), but for us bitsians, everythin is relative.

maybe my thinking is warped, n im complaining abt the wrong things, (after all there r others complaining abt zero work to do, as well). so that makes me, wat, a flake?? sigh. and too bad i do give a damn. Guess the grass is greener on the other side.

oh well, its as good as over. and theyr giving us certs(sort of). and well, its entirely possible, probable even, that i mightve been complaining just as much if i had nothing at all to do, for all the money they make us pay for this.
oh and yes, they did give us 2 mondays off in compensation for that working weekend :)

peace out

POST SCRIPT(ya, ive had enough of the abbreviation) - also, u have GOT to be feeling better after reading this, right? so thats another plus- lift other ppls spirits; so much for relative misery!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

7 more days to go

with the official completion of my project 2 days back, i'm into the last leg of the BITS summer special, Practice School 1. and how do i feel about that? frankly, relieved, i would say. this last lap, its just like that of a return journey from coll - the stations are all on home ground - but from arakkonam to good ol' chennai central, the last hour DRAGS so, home tantalizingly far away.
its been a mixed bag of feelings, most of them negative to be honest. just so i can relive this whole experience everytime i read it, im going chronologically, right from day 1 up to day- well, up to today. u do the math.
those first few days were of fresh hope and maybe the slightest enthusiasm for whatever fancy project would land on our plates, before we had any idea what to expect from ceeri. they're remarkably quick here about allotting projects, and so, it progressed to a mild curiosity about the topic of my project, shortly thereafter, that lasted for about a week, the one, the only week i was to have no pressure at all, as my scientist guide assured me. i must admit, though, that the curiosity and interest rapidly diminished to plain bewilderment and panic, as i continued to listlessly read the two books he handed me, to get myself acquainted with what was to come.

the next few weeks are best summarised as ones of intense hopelessness at the task in hand(venky just gave me a deadline and went off for some hi-flying conference for a week, and boy, the word deadline had never been more apt), despair, major self-deprecation, lots and LOTS of whining, cribbing, wishful thinking about some other, any other ps. yes, we(me, gow, pavi, shrini) were quite fanatic in our belief that we had it worst off. predictably, we were not amused by the line on the quote-of-the-day notice board (which btw does not change for at least a week) -
Things are never so bad that they cant get any worse
-From the movie, The African Queen.

add to all this misery, our beloved instructor, n rajesh, ps-division in-charge, pilani - the embodiment of sincerity, discipline and everything else u really really dont want in ur ps instructor. ur doctor, maybe, or ur banker(or is it accountant?? i wouldnt know) but not ur ps instructor, for gods sake! having solemnly informed us that we were to strictly follow organizational timings, workdays, holidays, yadda yadda, and that he wouldnt be repeating it, he proceeded to do just that in every visit of his. punctuality was the one goddamn organizational virtue he didnt possess- we routinely waited for at least half an hour thrice a week when he was scheduled to visit us.

if my scientist (who, incidentally has the gift of the gab, and can talk about any subject for hours, knowledgeably, or at least so it seems) had any notions about BITSians and hence of me, whether due to previous batches or otherwise, i was here to disillusion him, and quickly. as his pop quizzes soon revealed, i may have read and i may have written, but remember i dont, cos learn i did not, in quite a few cases, which sadly were all the subjects he liked to quiz us about.

with more and more of my project completed, every stage faster than the previous, thanks to the increasing familiarity, the end actually seemed near. there was a time when my project was always 'almost over'. while that did improve my mood ever-so-slightly, the blues were still there; the earlier hopelessness was simply replaced by an inability to feel a sense of satisfaction or pride - i wished, still wish, i could be happy about being a smart-worker than a blah, sincere(sort of) hard-worker, slaving like i did with all that data and the same few functions over and over again, for different sets of numbers, doing, in my opinion, nothing more than a glorified data analysis.

but it is now time for photos,final reports, feedback forms, and last minute paperwork. the optimist is me is fighting back, after a lonng time, and even as i struggle to recap the summer in a positive light, i know the the memories, good or bad, will make me smile - skiving off to join the others in 213 the moment venky leaves the room, and those endless minesweeper games there, the only non-scientist territory.. lunches at ascendas, to lunches at ceeri followed by chumma hanging out in ascendas..learning the hard way how to un-hide files on a comp.. getting caught by n ra at the bus stop, and haplessly watch 5c leave without us as as he lectures us on the road.. leaving for lunch as the lunchtime-over-bell sounds and returning as the tea break starts..having venky actually compliment my typing speed as im alternating between gmail chat windows and matlab, all with his blessings, no less :D.. ceeri-clri meetings at hot chips and ascendas.. move from feeling annoyed to feeling sorry for n ra, the ambi of our times.. those 2 days of bliss with no scientists, no labs and no libraries.. the coinstructor tow of whose every three sentences would begin with 'i'm not paid to do all that'.. dd and fg and glasgow and mobile phones(LOLEST)...

7 more days to go.
so close, no matter how far.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


For about the thirty seventh time this summer, i debate, in classic Friar Tuck fashion, as i recollect the image of that woman in the bus leaning across me to bless the road with a red shower, about taking the real effort to organize a clean-up drive at least in my neighborhood. and about Sounding Off in the Metro(always the optimist, assuming the article is accepted) about the next-to-zero civic sense in our country, or at least the people I see everyday in the bus, in the train, on the roads, how utterly uncivilized people can be, spewing saliva every which way like it’s their birthright.
It makes me seethe to see some dude all nicely dressed, company tag sticking out of his shirt pocket, spit oh-so-casually on the road. why, why??? do they run to the wash basin in their offices, homes, every so often, too??? I long to tell these people exactly what I think of them, but coward that I am, want is as far as that goes. Cos im scared of the fluent local tongue-lashing that would invite, and which will positively include more than mere civic sense. and so i content myself with giving them the most repulsed, revolted, disgusted, scornful look i can muster. and ob, whoever the look is meant for wont bother and some others give me this funny look and with a sigh, rearrange my face, jus wishing the whole thing wouldnt bother me so. And sometimes I think I should pull out my I-card, flash it for a nanosecond and pretend im from some clean-up squad and can levy fines on those shameless losers(and no, idea aint original, got it from tht chetan bhagat book, the call center one). But yes, god, the whole idea is laughable. Ludicrously ridiculous. As if anybody would give a rat’s ass about why some depraved anniyan-wannabe girl half their age is kicking up a fuss over the normal, accepted our-city-is-our-dustbin non-issue. which jus makes me wonder- does it take a psycho alter of some mpd patient to make ppl sit up n do somethin abt this?? in fact, they only have to NOT do something, thats how easy it is!! is anybody listening though :( like blog 1, again im hoping for a yes

Monday, July 2, 2007

numero uno

its a beautiful feeling – lying in bed, sleep far away, feeling good for no specific reason, and your mind, notorious for its monkey-ways, jumps from one good thought to another random one, connected in the most obscure way. and suddenly it occurs to me i want to remember these thoughts, i want to capture these moments, every thing about them, so i can truly relive them, which is what has spurred this impulse to start blogging. plus maybe I’d like to hear the occasional comment that an unbiased stranger offers, simply by reading random musings in my head.

these are the thoughts, little snippets, that were flashing across my mind - these 'holidays' with ps, and why i still love it with all the cribbing about 1.5 months of ps thats neither here nor there- not at all timepass but no hi-fi project either; the things i really like, that have a feel-good, therapeutic effect on me – the way some words are spelt and spoken- like rhapsody, say. I just love the word- how its spelt, pronounced, what it means, everything about it. And nuance. And turquoise. And quintessence – it sounds so other-worldly, always has. Bougainvillea, chrysanthemum, those letters in that order somehow hold some charm for me, nothing to do with images of the flowers, seeing how I have no idea what they look like.. and how i love reading an oooolld, feel-good, IM conversation i once had the good sense to save.. writing on the back of photos.. going through old stuff and finding something new ive missed before… the smell of rain-washed earth in the middle of this chennai summer (mmm manvasanai, i don’t know what the English equivalent is, or if there is one).. reading the newspaper cover to cover and feeling I can still catch on with the world and its happenings.. reading the Letters to the editor, and actually know which previous article the writer is referring to.. remembering old stories and characters from Orient Longman English textbooks.. checking off items on my to-do lists.. timepass notes on doors in hostel rooms... remembering bits and pieces of the kural I read in the bus and having my parents recite it verbatim and explain its meaning.. finishing, not even all, but most clues in the crossword.. weekends that feel like heaven, after a long week of ps.. drinking elaneer and relishing it, less for the taste or thirst-quenching than the knowledge that I jus consumed something healthy and pure(right?!) … being the first to arrive at ps(only when the climate is like now, all drizzly all the time) and sitting on the doorstep watching the gardener mow the grass, and even better, being among the first to leave(WHAT a rarity,though) and just in time to catch the parakkum train .. seeing the coin pass from hand to hand in a crowded bus, and the ticket retrace the route... And more and ever more.

so thats it i guess for my first blog. pretty erratic, all of it, from the punctuation, not to my taste- id rather it were here or there(phrase of the day??) to.. everything else about it, i guess.. and theres more, so much more to come, the voices in my head are certainly more than a match for my fingers on the keyboard, but will i sit me down n put pen on paper, so to speak, again in the near future? hmm im hoping for a yes.